Day 1 of Wild Musings with Renee Magnusson: Anticipation

​In many ways today was full of anticipation for me. Firstly, starting another round of Wild Musings which I enjoy, that focus and noting throughout the day, the slant Renee’s prompts give to my attention. Then I spent most of the day finalising my entries to an annual writing contest that I enter every year. Today at midnight is the deadline. Nothing like that last minute adrenaline rush for me! Looking forward to the excitement of the Literary Party in May when the contest winners are announced.

This morning I was thrilled to see that my pvr had taped another season of Portrait Artist of the Year. I absolutely love that show! My friend Louise had alerted me to it last night and I used it as a push to get through half of my entries in time to take a break and watch it. On a daily basis, I look forward to catching up with some of my pvr recordings. On nights when I’m working, I anticipate continuing my Netflix binge of RuPaul’s Drag Race on my down time. I’m surprised that I enjoy it so much but it’s perfect for work—pure entertainment, nothing happens that will freak me out when I walk the building hallways alone in the middle of the night—and it reminds me of my son, of visiting him and his hubby in Arizona. It’s become something we bond over. I’m on to Season 12 now which contains the couple of episodes I watched with Dane and Jonathan. So that’s extra exciting. 

It also led to two of the biggest things I’m looking forward to in March and April. On Instagram, I had noticed that a drag show featuring some of the queens from the Drag Race was coming to town in April. I mentioned it to Dane who was delighted and insisted that I go. In investigating it further, I also noticed that another show featuring Bianca Del Rio (a Drag Race winner) was coming on my birthday in March! Dane immediately bought two tickets for me and arranged for one of my step-daughters to go with me. As all this was happening, my hubby Rob also bought me two tickets for the April show! Until I received these two lovely presents, I was unaware of how much I desperately needed something entertaining to look forward to. It lifted my spirits no end! I’m cautious that the shows will go ahead as planned but it doesn’t take away from all this flying-high time of delicious anticipation.

Since January, I’ve been hovering close to the mailbox on certain days, in anticipation of receiving the latest Gladdened Gluebook. This is a somewhat random online group of 20 artists who send a round robin of books to each other over the course of several months. Each person created a same-sized book, each on a different theme, then mailed it out to the next person for her to collage or paint in and so it goes. I’m super excited this time especially, as the next book I’m to receive is Effy’s! And it should be here any day now! Mail is agonisingly slow which makes the turnaround time very quick and we’ve actually fallen behind a little. But I’m surprised how much joy this whole project has been, from deciding on a theme and decorating my own book to creating pages for the other books and adding to them and seeing how others have interpreted the themes. 

Last year I accomplished posting a haiku and picture every day of the year on Instagram and found it such a grounding and ultimately rewarding practice that I’m doing the same this year, too. So each morning I anticipate creating that. I’m also doing the 100 day project 2022 at the moment but I feel it’s kind of cheating as I’m not doing anything extra for that, just continuing on with my daily haiku practice. Lol. I had the photo in mind that I wanted to use this morning and something about precision but was finding it difficult to come up with much more then Rob shared his night of fragmented nonsensical dreams with me and I had my haiku. (I’ll share these each day at the end of my musings with Renee’s permission as they are part of my day)

In addition, each morning I do a 3 card Tarot and one oracle card pull for the day. I make note of the cards and my interpretations then as I go through the day, it’s with an ear (an anticipatory ear perhaps!) to seeing how the cards relate (or not). Nothing can beat that tickle of excitement when I recognise something playing out that the cards predicted. Especially the gentler or more favourable cards! It can be a different kind of anticipation if the cards are harsher!

So I’m fortunate to have many lovely things to anticipate in the near future (also lunches and get togethers with friends, online writing groups, lunch with my dad and step-mom even a dentist appointment to finally sort out a broken tooth). But I realised this morning as I prepared my morning tea and breakfast that I also set myself up for anticipation in ordinary ways by giving myself as many choices as possible. Very few of my plates and cups actually match because I love the thrill of being able to ‘mood-choose’ my cups, plates and teas. I usually have a few bottles of body wash and soaps on the go at the same time for the same reason. This is an interesting trait that I hadn’t particularly linked to anticipation before. But the anticipation of everyday choices is apparently a thing for me!

Glistening precision
restaurant seaweed salad
you share hacked-up dreams    #59 & 16

#365daysofsybwriting22

10 Things Inspired by Renee Magnusson & Effy Wild
Book of Days 2022 

1. I took Spook, aka Little Cat in haiku, to the vets yesterday morning after work. Her fur had become very matted. She had had one big matt for far too long but I couldn’t get it off her then simply became ashamed, guilty and worried that she seemed neglected because of it or that they wouldn’t give her back to me or something. It never seemed to bother her…she rolled happily on it but she is overweight and could no longer groom her back. When other smaller matts also began to appear, I knew I couldn’t ignore it any more. The vet was non-judgemental, at least to my face, and fortunately they were able to shave it off without sedation.

2. Guilt and shame are useless paralysing emotions. So is feeling guilt and shame about feeling guilt and shame. Moving forward and absorbing lessons is much more productive once guilt and shame have been faced. 

3. My cuticles are ragged; my nails rough and chewed. Mam picked her cuticles too but she had nice nails. I envy nice nails. I love painted nails but I’m busy creating with my hands these days and the nail polish ends up being paint-speckled. For me, elegance is manicured hands.

4. Almost the end of January and this is my 2nd year of daily haiku and a photo posted on instagram #365daysofsybwriting & #365daysofsybwriting22 I love this daily practice and feel pleased that I have this tent peg in my day. A way of saying I was here. I noticed this day. This is my world. A habit that helps keep me grounded. 

​8. Last week I reconnected with someone I had gone to junior school (ages 7 to 11) with. Philip Meadows had been a terrific artist throughout school, his work was usually displayed on ‘the wall’ and I was delighted to learn that he has a very successful career as an artist, often depicting the era and area, the industrial northeast of England, we grew up in. His portrayals of back alleys and yards with their outside toilets and sheep and Dales paintings made me teary and nostalgic. My biggest memory involving him in school was one where I had drawn a conch shell, maybe in 2nd year. I was thrilled to have it displayed on ‘the wall’ but no one believed I had drawn it! They all thought Phil had. I didn’t dare remove the drawing to show everyone my name on the back. I remember feeling really frustrated. Even when I dragged Phil into the classroom to say that he hadn’t drawn it, he was no use because he couldn’t really remember nor did he care as his work was always being displayed and it wasn’t a big thing to him.

9. Being in touch with Phil through messenger, we discovered a mutual love of bagpipes. He plays them and mentioned Simon Fraser University, where I went, as having a good pipe band. I never knew! But he stirred another memory. One misty morning, I was getting out of Buggy (my 72 blue VW bug) in the SFU parking lot and I swore I could hear bagpipes. But I couldn’t see anyone playing them and their notes just seemed to swirl around carried on the mist. I had only been in Canada a few years and put it down to my imagination and missing ‘home’ particularly badly that day. Lol.

10. The other day, despite the cold, I noticed an industrious chickadee plucking dried grass from our hanging baskets. I believe in embracing the season we’re in as much as possible (unless it’s an unbearably hot summer which has a more withering effect on me than a frigid winter) but my heart swelled with hope that if a chickadee was looking to build a nest, spring must be somewhere on the horizon.

Day Ten (Beauty) Wild Musings with Renee Magnusson Peaceful Easy Feelings

In my world, this is what was beautiful today (and I included yesterday as that was when the prompt came in):

•  soft sunrise easing into a bright white cloud covered sky
•  vacation pay—we get a year’s worth of accumulated vacation pay all on one cheque inbetween regular paycheques mid-November in time for families who do Christmas shopping
•  meeting Zeus—yesterday morning on my way home from work, I stopped by my friend Tessa’s house to give her some mail. She had to go to New Jersey to meet and train with a new service dog and I checked her mail a few times when she was gone. She came back with Zeus, a two and a half year old big soft lump of a golden retriever. He is absolutely adorable and in true retriever fashion makes you feel that all is right with the world (or can be) so long as they are in it. I’m thrilled that Tessa feels they are a good match. It was heartbreaking when she had to put her last dog Randi to sleep and whereas Randi will never be forgotten and is still missed deeply, it’s good that she feels confident with Zeus. He is such a friendly goof but also calms quickly and is alert and affectionate. So pleased for her.
•  Journal that Tessa gave me as a gift for taking care of the mail. Not at all necessary but very much appreciated. Another dear friend, Val, gave me an International House of Tea gift certificate earlier this year in return for looking after her pets while she and her hubby had a holiday. Again not necessary but the reciprocity of this is heartwarming and beautiful.
•  Rob taking care of a gnarly valve on my tire or at least trying to
•  rose scented tea from international house of tea: rose congou ‘heavenly’
•  awake in time to catch a deep peach sunset glow
•  full moon through clouds this morning as I left work and went shopping. So moody and dramatic!
•  soft bed and earplugs for my daytime sleep with Spook purring beside me
•  waking up this evening to a meal Rob had cooked for me before he went out
•  catching up with Corrie (my soap, Coronation Street) before work
•  haiku which involve noting what I’m noticing each day 

Day 324 of 365 days of haiku

Cloudy sky drama
full moon sinks and winks
early morning shop

Day Nine Wild of Wild Musings with Renee Magnusson Peaceful Easy Feelings

‘To live wild is to stop breaking your own heart.’ ~Renee Magnusson

I will cherish those words, use them a barometer for my life. How many times do we break our own hearts? For me, it’s not an audible snap but a muffled suffocation, a stuffing down of feelings, a denial of yearnings. 

I am wild when my feet touch the ground and I walk through this world, preferably the natural world but it can be the streets of this town, too, with the elements—wind, rain, snow, sleet, sun—tangling in my hair, soaking into my skin or clothes, resting on my lips. Even a walk around the block is enough to feel part of this natural world but I deny myself that even…a ten minute walk…so very often. Afraid of being seen? Afraid of neighbours stopping me to discuss the trees? (my neighbours don’t like my trees—my yard is quite wild) And yet I arrive home feeling so much more alive, in touch with the wildest part of me, than if I had never gone. Ten minutes. Just do it, right? Even in the dark. Home from work early in the morning as day breaks. Before I get inside and cosy down. It is so doable and the payoff is huge.

My long hair is wild. The visibly wildest part of me. Wind-tangled hair invigorates me. The shortest I’ll ever cut it is shoulder length. It was short once when I was maybe 5 or 6. I missed it so much that I constantly wore a knitted hat with its under the chin ties loose so they brushed against my shoulders like braids. I had plans to write about my wild hair and my love of wind-tangled hair when an email from Louise made me smile. We chatted yesterday after tai chi the way we usually do, trying to take shelter against an icy wind by the WalMart wall. Louise emailed me later that day and shared the following: I was intrigued by your flying hair as we chatted today against the brick wall.  It was like your hair had so much energy...so much to say. I need to listen to my hair which doesn’t mind the elements and responds instinctively to them.

Some of my clothes are wild. Two of my most favourite items are long, almost to my knees, and I feel powerful when they flap around me, flow out behind me when I stride-walk. One is a maroon wrap around cardigan that I bought myself. The other is a soft black button down coat with long side slits. I call it my riding coat because it seems like it would be a terrific riding coat. It is spring and fall weight and was given to me by Jo-Anne who found it somewhere (a yard sale or Value Village?) and thought I would like it and that it might fit me. I believe it was custom made for me, I love it so. If I was a super hero I would demand a long flowing cape.

I feel wild and true to myself when I do Tarot or witchy things and acknowledge and live by my intuition. I’m at my most in tune with myself at those times. 

I feel wild in a way with my choice to work midnights, to go against the grain a little. It is formed by my desire to work 3 10 hour shifts a week rather than many 4 or 5 hour shifts during the day. But still, it feels a little wild, bohemian perhaps, to be on a different schedule than most people, to leave and return home in silver light rather than in the golden light of day. Mysterious.


Day 323 of 365 days of haiku
Chinese cleaver
infused with his energy
best gift ever

Day Eight Simple Wild Musings with Renee Magnusson Peaceful, Easy Feelings

I’ve determined that the best way for me to simplify my life is to become a Nike Ninja and Just Do It! Of course some days that’s easier than others but mostly I ponder everything fifty times before I do it then wonder where my day has gone. It got lost in a swamp of pondering. I’ll get so much more done when I recognise this and just move forward with the next thing instead of wondering: 

a) what the next thing might be
b) if that is the next thing then what is the next next thing
c) what if the 1st next thing isn’t really ready to be the next thing
d) what are all the consequences of going ahead with the 1st next thing being the actual next thing
e) what if the 1st next thing is something I haven’t even considered yet
f) what if I get interrupted or the actual next thing takes longer than expected

Soooo complicated. My life would and could be much simpler if I do instead of contemplate. I also can move on faster with all of this when I’ve first done something to please myself, often art. I have a tendency to push my art, particularly aside until all the emails are answered, all the banking is done, all the tedious stuff done. I know this is a usual way to do things—the reward after but it seems to work in reverse for me, especially as I sometimes never actually get to the reward!

I noticed this today. Instead of thinking about all the dirty dishes, I decorated a journal first. Thrilled and energised by that, I just set in to the dishes, finished them then worked on the journal some more as it was dry by then. Came back downstairs and put all the now dry dishes away. That was so simple, so stream-lined. 

For years I had magnetic curtain rods on my front and back doors as the doors are steel. I lost track of how many times the curtain fell on people, making them look like Carol Burnett in her infamous Scarlett O’Hara and the curtains sketch. Those curtains made life anything but simple. A good friend had bought a set at the same time and when I remembered to ask her about hers she told me she had gotten rid of them years ago. “Life can be hard enough without adding to it with curtains that are a nuisance,” she said. Oh so wise! I tend to endure things. Often for no good reason!

When my dear friend Linda came to stay with me from B.C. when I was freshly single, she set to putting pieces of cardboard under the feet of my dining room table to steady it, wedging some under the top of the table itself so it didn’t tilt every time someone leaned on it and finally pulling a drawer right out and re-setting it into its space so it didn’t almost fall out every time we opened it. All those things total took her half an hour at the very most. Me? I just anticipated it all and adjusted to it. But that takes energy, that adjustment each time, that niggling ‘oh I should fix that’ or even worse, ‘everything is breaking around me’ victim mentality. “Do what you can about what you can while you can,” said Linda. “There’s too much uncertainty in life to be not dealing with the little things you can change, things that make your day to day life easier.” 

I have the wisest, smartest friends. Now I just need to remember and learn by them!

Day 322 of 365 days of haiku

1. Clawing through his crate
Grey Cat eager to get home
galaxy of crescents

Day Seven Ease Wild Musings with Renee Magnusson Peaceful Easy Feelings

I love how these prompts all seem to overlap and tumble into one another. Like the other day, I certainly had ease changing my sheets because they’re all in one place close to the bed and I can easily sort through and choose which ones I want (provided I’m up on my laundry). I don’t always like everything matching so the more choices I have with something, the happier I am. Sometimes this can be stressful rather than full of ease but for the most part, I feel rich and awash in abundance when I have choices.

I set up my morning clothes the night before. I can change everything if I decide the next morning but I rarely do. My mornings tend to be slow and relaxed, even when my ‘mornings’ are really late afternoons after sleeping all day in the middle of my midnight work stretches. My before-sleep habits of drinking a cup of tea in bed and writing my gratitude pages then sometimes reading ease me into sleep. That familiar comfort. 

I’m most in the zone when I’m being creative (painting or writing), occupying my mind by doing word puzzles or just driving with my tunes blasting or practising tai chi or walking or dancing. I rarely let myself dance now but I used to dance all the time when I was younger, up into my early 20s. I used to have to have this physical outlet—it was meditative almost—choosing the right 45 or LP (lol!), turning the lights out and just moving by myself, preferably with no one else around. I rehashed and rehearsed scenes in my mind, shook out feelings and dreamed so I wasn’t always exactly right in the moment but I always felt better after dancing. Why did I stop? Family? Space? I remember my son being in the hospital when he was 8 months old (viral pneumonia) and carrying him to the nurse’s station and catching ‘Kokomo’ by the Beach Boys on the radio and dancing with him in the hallway and him smiling, obviously starting to feel better.

Music is my go to shoehorn for any mood I want to be in and creating Spotify playlists like the old cassette tapes is one of my absolute favourite rabbit holes to fall down.

Not all my relationships have the ease that I’d like although most of them do. When meeting with one of my good friends, I bring imaginary butterfly gates. In the past, I had at times felt not exactly attacked but as if my feelings weren’t validated, as if comments I made were sometimes countered in a way that made me feel small. I don’t know. It’s a feeling so it’s hard to describe. But I valued the relationship enough to try to find a way to make it work and to look at my own contribution to it. I can be very defensive and take slight very easily. Imagining gates made of fluttering butterflies that waft away anything that seems unnecessarily hurtful yet letting in all the loveliness and sharing that goes on in the friendship really helps. I felt too vulnerable discussing it with her as I felt it would make me seem too defensive which is how she described me. But counselling and my gates helped as did pulling away for a while. In time I’ve noticed that she seems much more open and accepting of opinions and feelings different to her own. I like to think that I’m less defensive in all of my relationships, too.

The most beautiful thing happened regarding ease today. I was thinking that I would need to text my friend Sharron to check in with plans for lunch next week with our friend Liza. But first I wanted to get out early and go shopping for birthday pressies. I went all over town, ending up way on the other side. I pulled into a metered parking spot and fretted about not having the change for the meter. While still in my car who should get into the car next to me but Sharron! The chances were extraordinary! So we got to sort everything out and get a quick face to face chat in. No texts involved! I just love it when such synchronicity happens. Oh and there was enough time already on the meter for me to visit the store I wanted to! Even better. 


Day 321 of 365 days of haiku

Plumpest squirrel
closest to the feeder
icy wind cuts through
​

Day Six Space Wild Musings with Renee Magnusson Peaceful, Easy Feelings

The prompt ‘space’ made me cringe, made me ponder my cluttered, crowded house with its unfinished floors and the basement issues yet I do find peace here, perhaps not as deeply as I’d wish sometimes but I do love my home. What I have on my walls defines me and my space best I think. My hubby Rob doesn’t much care about what’s on the walls or about the general state of the house except for finding things in the kitchen which is much more his domain so I have free reign with what goes on the walls. 

I have a whole room to myself for my creating. I call it my studio as it sounds loft-ish and Heidi-ish but it’s really a small 3rd bedroom upstairs. It needs some (lots!) of reorganising but parts are well-organised. I’m in the process of sorting through the roomy drawers in the old desk from my dad’s office in Burrard Dry Dock, North Vancouver so I can group together ideas and pages and schedules for a round robin art journal group I stumbled into: Gladdened Gluebooks II. I use a microwave table as my painty table as it has lots of storage underneath it. Most of my upstairs tea selection lies behind its bottom cupboard.

I aim for my bedroom to have the best ambiance in the house (I’ve given up on it being the living room as Rob usually has boxes of files piled haphazardly that he’s working on) and sometimes manage it. It’s the easiest room to corral clutter and again I’m using the practicality of drawers to stash things. The two top drawers in my dresser are full of Rob’s odd socks. Lol. Ten minutes of sorting and matching or throwing away and I’ll easily have at least one drawer for more storage. I became entranced with Marie Kondo’s methods of storing clothes a few years ago and am thrilled that I keep up with it for the most part. My armoire is full of box lids crammed with T-shirts, leggings, yoga pants and skirts; its drawers have neatly folded nighties and underwear. The underwear delights me and I’ll often arrange them in like-colours just to get that burst of pleasure when I open the drawer.

Today when I changed the bed sheets, I got them, somewhat neatly folded, from a little wicker, cloth-lined basket at the foot of my bed. This kind of organisation, things having a place to live and actually living there in harmony without exploding out, pleases me. Some of my favourite stuffies (yes I have stuffies!) sit on top of the basket: a bright pink elephant with sparkling toe nails that my ‘sister’ (really my ex-sister-in-law, Brenda) gave me as a birthday pressie one year; a soft white teddy that Mam surprised me with on my 50th birthday; and her old woollen poodle, Fifi, who was a gift from France from an old fiancé. I had never realised before how much happiness this one little space in my home gives me.

Thinking about space (and ease which is actually today’s prompt) I realise how much more energizing it is to consider the positive parts of space in my home—those things which do work. Concentrating on them gives me the incentive to keep spreading that kind of calm. Much more conducive to creating a harmonious space than freaking out about unfinished floors and clutter. 

My first apartment was originally occupied by a good friend who loved old décor, stout velvet couches and dark heavy furniture. When I moved in, I had a love seat and couch set made of pine with canvas cushions, very Ikea-looking. The difference was incredible even though the space was the same. Other friends commented on how light and airy the place looked when I lived there. Oh to achieve that now!

Yesterday, in the hospital waiting room, I considered my personal space. I had commandeered a row of seats against a back wall by sitting in the very middle seat. I like to have my back against a wall when in a public place if possible. I sat under a trio of watercolour paintings of flowers and local scenes so I could easily twist round and admire them. They calmed me. As did having a view of the whole waiting room and corridors. A sense of control in a situation where I really had little control. 


Day 319 of 365 days of haiku
Colonoscopy
focus on 
all the pretty things


Day 320
Pretty Christmas tag
red-tasselled ornate heart
treasured bookmark

Day Five Golden Wild Musings with Renee Magnusson Peaceful, Easy Feelings

What has felt golden to me these last few days? I found this to be a harder prompt. Maybe because I was working all those days and today am more fuzzy-minded from being on the cleansing day before a colonoscopy tomorrow. Couple very few calories with the general fuzziness from a turnaround day where I try to get back onto a regular day schedule and I feel sluggish in body and brain. In some respects though, and I am familiar with the high of too few calories from long ago in my teens, I feel more in touch with my body than usual. I’m not using food to numb out or to try to stay awake and more focussed. Nor can I even fall back on diet cola, my old energising stand by, due to the dark dye. So, due to all this, I thought this post would be short, consisting mainly of my tent pegs, my daily haiku. Those little moments of noticing what I’m noticing.

And then there was this:

This morning I had one and a half hour’s sleep after work, then woke up very reluctantly to my alarm. Time for my son-in-law Jonathan’s service. He’s a minister for Unity of Tucson in Arizona, formally a science of mind minister. I like to watch the services live if I can as they make me feel closer to my son Dane (even though Dane rarely watches his husband’s services! Lol) but also because Jonathan usually gives me something to think about and his services are fun, full of song (Jonathan was an actor before becoming a minister) and uplifting. Jonathan started his ministry journey in Toronto which is where he met Dane. When Dane told me he was dating this guy who was a minister in a Centre For Spiritual Living, all my maternal antennae sprung up. Kool Aid came to mind. And the guy’s last name was Zenz! Well, that just couldn’t be right. So I sought Jonathan out and watched his past services online. Meanwhile Dane had never been to one! My mam had recently died at this time and I found that the services and the messages just spoke to me, echoing my own beliefs which had strong but not mainstream. I often watched service after service on my phone late at night sobbing my heart out. When I met Jonathan I was relieved to find that he’s actually very quiet (not the bouncing, energetic persona onstage) and thoughtful and that Zenz is legitimately his last name. 

Dane and Jonathan got married 5 years ago. I have never been to a wedding or any ceremony where there was so much love and joy and pure celebration. Eventually Jonathan left CSL Toronto and moved, in time, back to Tucson, his hometown. He started his own practice there and eventually, while we were down there visiting, landed the position at Unity of Tucson, a bit more God-focused but Jonathan blends the two well. 

Today the guest speaker was Monk Yun Rou (meaning Soft Cloud) who is a Doaist monk. His story was incredible. He was the instigator, purely by accident, of the pay it forward movement by pausing for a second before getting out of his car to have an argument with an obnoxious man behind him in a Florida Starbucks coffee drive through line up. Instead of fighting (which was his initial reaction), Monk got back into his car and offered to pay for the man’s coffee. But the man had ordered breakfast for a whole bunch of people. Monk hesitated but then paid the full amount before getting on with his day. He came back home to a full answering machine and many many messages from people working at Starbucks wanting him to call them. Eventually a national news reporter left a message wanting to interview him. It turned out that the man whose order Monk had paid for, paid for the person behind him. Monk did this at 8am, when he answered the phone from the reporter, it was 3pm and the paying it forward was still going on. We’ve all heard the story. To listen to the originator who teaches tai chi (yay tai chi!) at Jonathan’s church was quite remarkable. Golden in fact.

‘Remember who you are,’ Jonathan says all the time. Monk’s message was also that in remembering who he was (or perhaps even who he wanted to be or not be), he made a ripple that reached out way beyond his initial gesture. ‘Be aware of the interconnectedness of everything,’ he says. A wonderful reminder. We do this best by being our true selves.

‘Stay gold,’ Renee reminds us, ‘What feels golden is what feels true to you…make note of the moments of truth in your life.’ 

Catching Monk’s message, embracing little moments and small things in each day, looking for synchronicities, watching Ru Paul’s Drag Race at work on my downtime at work (Dane suggested it to me and I did watch a couple of episodes with him and Jonathan in Tucson last year. Now I’m watching all 12 episodes chronologically. That show is so addictive!): these have been some of my golden moments these past few days.

Rain streams down windows
branches snap, wind chimes tangle
excitement brews #316

In gold leaves white cat sits 
still as a stone
squirrels chant warnings #317

Wild wayward wind
maple key behind a bell
single-winged toad #318

Thank you for reading. Stay true to you.

Day Four Enchantment Wild Musings with Renee Magnusson Peaceful Easy Feelings

Enchantment seemed to flow all around me today. But perhaps that was the strong wild wind and driving rain. Moody broody weather days always seem to hold more enchantment for me. Perhaps part of enchantment is that hint of unpredictability. I drove past an upturned rotting fence post beside a patch of mustard-coloured grass and I felt that a whole story lay there. 

A small cast iron bell in the shape of a toad which hangs on the front of my house had a maple key lodged behind it. It looked like the toad had sprouted a wing. Oh how that enchanted me, fostering a quick photo, a haiku and possibly a poem.

I find enchantment in words, playing with them, stringing them together until they sparkle like Christmas lights. It’s magic. Magic and enchantment feel like they walk hand in hand. Again, an elevation of the mundane. Alliterations and vivid descriptions, both reading them and creating them, entertain me. The challenge of haiku, both reading and writing them—capturing a molecule in a day and expanding it into something universal. As I write this, I recognise that words and noticing are two of my superpowers. That enchants me and I idly wonder why I don’t combine them more in ‘practical’ magic. What would happen if I did?

I drove earlier to tai chi class at the gym today so I could sit alone in the parking lot at 11a.m. to observe the 2 minute silence and to silently thank my Grandpa Boag, whom I never met, for his service in WWII. Then I sat in the car with the rain beating down, being rocked by the wind, doing a word puzzle until it was time to rush inside. That time, the timing all working out, the world of peace and quiet within my car all felt magical.

An overheard conversation before tai chi amused and enchanted me. A woman talking about her ‘stitch and bitch’ class. Her friend saying she’d never heard of that then the woman’s husband replying: “It’s where they go to cut everyone up then stitch them back together again.” It tickled me.

I see enchantment in Louise in her gorgeous rain jacket, mostly black with neon green and pink patches—a splash of bright colour on this grey day like an abstract painting moving across the parking lot.

I love Renee’s prompts of where in your body do you sense these feelings. Enchantment…I feel it deep in my bones, in the very pit of my stomach (my tan tien), in my feet rooted to the floor in tai chi and my hands full of tiny lightning bolts. I look for it everywhere and find it in the whimsy of a little toad bell ready to soar.

Day Three Surprise from Wild Musings with Renee Magnusson Peaceful & Easy Feelings

Oh I love surprises! And I can remember exactly the time when I decided to let even more surprise into my life. As a child (a child spoiled with lots of presents!) I used to hunt down the hiding places for my Christmas pressies. I became really good at being sneaky and replacing everything just so. No one caught on for years. I’m not sure why I did this—partly the thrill of being sneaky I think but also not being able to handle the suspense of waiting perhaps. Anyway, I never fully opened the packages (never opened them if they were gift-wrapped) but just peered through the plastic bags. This way it didn’t fully feel like cheating. 

One Christmas (I just googled what year it must have been and I must have been 13! I thought I’d stopped doing this much earlier!) I went through the usual hiding spots and came across an LP. I smoothed out the plastic bag. Cilla Black! It looked like Cilla Black. My heart sank. Cilla Black was a popular middle-of-the-road singer, the kind my parents liked. I didn’t dislike her but really…Cilla Black? I couldn’t read her name, the record store logo covered most of the bag, but yes, through the plastic it looked like her silhouette. I wondered if it could be for someone else but didn’t think so. I tucked it back exactly as I’d found it and rehearsed how surprised I’d have to pretend to be when I opened it. Surprised and not disappointed. It had been drummed into me to always be appreciative of the gifts I got, no matter what I thought of them. Someone had gone to a lot of time and trouble to buy them.

On Christmas Day I easily spotted the wrapped LP. As I unwrapped it, practising my surprised act, I saw Mam and Dad share a smile as if this was a great gift, as if they’d outdone themselves in choosing it for me. I opened it expecting to see Cilla’s face grinning at me. Instead I saw Alvin Stardust, one of my absolute favourite singers! I’m sure I gasped with delight. I was completely surprised. No acting needed! Mam and Dad laughed, no doubt pleased by my authentic reaction and if high fives were a thing back then I’m sure they’d have high-fived. 

That high of being genuinely surprised was enough to make me never peek again at gifts. To the point where I keep early gifts wrapped for weeks, if necessary until the actual date of the event. A parcel arrived from one of my British friends the other day and I knew it was for Christmas. I left it in its brown paper packaging until I checked with her that yes, it is wrapped with Christmas paper inside so I can safely open the brown paper. I never want to know what happens in a book or movie before I watch it. Let me be surprised, please.

This morning I thought of copying out Renee’s list of prompts so that I would know what was coming on each day so I knew how to label the files to save them ahead of time. But the thought didn’t linger long. I had tried not to read the list and certainly blocked out remembering it so that each day’s prompt is a surprise. 

Part of the joy of haiku, both in reading it and trying to create a good one, is that element of surprise with the juxtaposition of remotely related ideas, that jump from something specific to something broader or vice versa. I think this challenge of finding that link, that surprise, is what keeps my interest in writing them.

These days, my favourite surprises are serendipitous ones like the peace card which arrived yesterday on ‘peace’ day. I keep my antennae tuned for those. 

I arrange readings for a writing organisation in town. The readings are by local writers of varying standards giving them a chance to see how others react to their work: are people gasping when they should? laughing at the right place? etc. The readings themselves often have their own surprises. One woman I had to coax to read stunned everyone with the depth and intensity of both her work and her reading itself on her mental health journey. Once a poet arrived just in time making us worry that she maybe wasn’t going to show at all. Because of this she read last. And read a poem that she had written just that morning, right after her father had died. Again, we were stunned and moved. And surprised. How could she even do that? Both the writing then the very public reading on such a day? 

The monthly readings, now on zoom, happened tonight and all the stories were solidly written and compelling. But my favourite part of the readings comes at the end when I give out thank you cards (often from local artists) with money inside from the organisation. New readers had no clue they would get paid and I loved their surprised responses. With zoom, the treasurer now handles the money but I get to send ecards, again often a surprise especially to new readers. I love surprising people in pleasant ways as much as I can. There’s nothing like a good surprise to brighten a day.

​Day 314 of 365 days of haiku

Three card Tarot spread
stepping stone into the day
rippled clouds float by

Day Two (Peace) of  Wild Musings with Renee Magnusson Peaceful Easy Feelings 

When I think of peace a memory comes to mind from the late 70s when I lived in North Vancouver: early morning, I’m walking along our suburban street to catch the bus to Capilano College and long before I can see anyone, I hear a guitar being strummed, music drifting between trees, mingling with birdsong. Then I spot the musician: a long-haired man, at the most a decade older than me, sat back on a front porch. In my mind now he has bare feet propped up on the wooden railing…think Shel Silverstein in some of his author photos. The music follows me all the way down the road. I feel sad when I could no longer hear it and have to return to the mundane, socially scary business of catching a bus. He wasn’t always there but when he was my step felt lighter. Oh to have a life where I could start my days like that! (not that I’m musical but just to have that ease.) It always seemed so peaceful to me. 

I’m fortunate that in a life where my days turn into nights for half the week (I work midnights three nights a week), I have a beautifully relaxing and grounding morning routine that works as a solid bookend to my day whether it’s just beginning or just ending. I read and record a 3 card Tarot card pull then write and post my daily haiku on Instagram, linking it to a photo I’ve taken. This routine is my morning guitar song from the wooden porch. A scrap of peace in my day.

Strangely all my immediate thoughts of peace go to the late 70s and adjusting to life on the west coast of Canada after having just emigrated from the gritty northeast of England. Perhaps it was the west coast vibe because it was a hard and stressful time for me in many ways. Perhaps it’s a present day nostalgia. But the scenery was breathtaking, easy to become absorbed in. Stores at the time were full of those monochromatic prints of receding mountains and shorelines and Blue Mountain Arts cards and posters and books by Susan Polis Schutz. They all oozed peace to me. A cool, love each other, hippy vibe. Now I light incense, usually nag champa, to achieve a similar feeling. 

I love writing all this out as the connections suddenly make sense! 

What are you doing when your shoulders relax? asks Renee. Interesting. I tried to focus on this today and noticed it a couple of times: outside raking leaves on a gloriously mild day with sparrows trilling in the cedar; absorbed in solving word puzzles in a well-worn magazine; feet up, catching up on my soap (Coronation Street); even writing this, stopping to seat boogie to my favourite songs on one of my Spotify playlists (Lift Me Ups). If I had given myself time today, it would also include when doing tai chi (absolute internal peace for me) and mixed media painting. Peace is the chance to do what pleases me most, those activities that soothe and calm me. 

A purring cat close by immediately relaxes me and I’m lucky to have one as a sleeping buddy.

The hush and sparkling beauty of any place after a fresh snowfall always enthrals me. And the peace and silence of Christmas Eve after all the stores are closed holds a very special place in my heart.

Peace, at least what I’ve written here about peace, feels so soft and personal yet it’s a much needed, tremendously big world necessity. Perhaps it needs to start as sprouting tendrils in the cosiest places in our hearts before stretching out into the world.

Finally, because synchronicity delights me, I want to show you this card that arrived in my mail today. And it occurs to me that ‘peace’ is a wish, a prayer, a desire all by itself. Peace.

Day 313 of 365 days of haiku

Amongst autumn gold
pansy blooms blue
its time to shine

Day One Delight Wild Musings with Renee Magnusson Peaceful Easy Feelings 

Delight for me suggests a surprise element: something, perhaps unexpected, that makes my heart sing, tickles my belly, puts a twinkle in my eye. Immediately, I think of the song Afternoon Delight by Starland Vocal Band and one of my favourite chocolate bars, Turkish Delight. 

Today, a sunny, very mild late autumn day, was an easy one to delight in all by itself. Rainbows, both soft and sharp, danced across my kitchen ceiling, walls and cupboards from the prisms in my east facing window. Such a lovely way to start the day. Rainbows from prisms (and rainbows in the sky) absolutely delight me—I seek them out and have prisms hanging from every window in my house. Something about them seems to elevate the energy in a room instantly.

I adore thick soft towels and when I was pulling some fresh ones out of my cupboard for my shower this morning, I knocked down an old (um…over 10 year old at least!) plastic bottle of Avon spray oil…Soft and Relaxing scent. That element of surprise. I had forgotten I had it but I find the scent intoxicating and calming. So I used it after my shower. And in my shower I used my Good Karma (Lush) shower gel—a ‘permission purchase’ from Renee from the last Wild Musings tour when she reminded me that ‘today is a special day’. I have no aversion to mixing all my favourite scents. Lol. Choices also thrill me and make me happy and rich, so I generally have a few different shower gels on the go at the same time. 

Chiming clocks also make me happy and I have an old wall pendulum one that I ‘bought’ with Zellers Club Z points (anyone in Canada will recognise that and laugh—basically a club where you could collect points to buy things). It’s placed in a gloomy otherwise stagnant corner of my middle room so that the movement and glint of the pendulum wafts the air at least psychologically. Inside the case is a tiny ceramic mouse, a gift from an old friend. I have another clock in my bedroom which has a little collection of ceramic mice at its base. This little joke that I have with myself delights me—mice and clocks just go together in my world.

Under the front feeders, sparrows, so deep in golden leaves that only their bobbing heads were visible, made me smile. I received a brown paper package from a dear friend in England. Christmas! I love surprises so have kept it all wrapped up. Anticipation delights me! I sent Jacquie Lawson e-cards to some friends. Searching the website and looking at their cards and choosing the perfect card for the occasion or person also pleases me no end.

A friend in town sent me a note and a picture through messenger of how much one of her lilies had grown since last I saw it and had commented on a tiny shoot. Her pleasure and amazement in it warmed my heart. In response, I sent her a photo of my calla lily which delights me daily. A few weeks ago I was potting some cuttings and began to scoop out soil from an old calla lily, long dead and waiting by the basement stairs to go downstairs. I had intended to plant the bulbs (are they bulbs?) outside in the summer but never got round to it. In scooping out the soil, I noticed something tiny and green under the dead leaves. Pulling away the old growth, I found a sturdy thriving shoot so I repacked the soil around it and placed it on the kitchen counter. It now has about five shoots and leaves and is immensely happy. 

This evening I had a Writers Guild meeting by Zoom and in critiquing one of the stories, I was searching an architectural website for the correct word. In amongst all this very serious back and forth debate about the right word and why this word or that wasn’t right, someone previously not in the conversation had written: Does anybody remember how to laugh? which yes, delighted me and made me laugh out loud. 

Randomness, the unexpected, delights me perhaps more than anything else!

Day 312 of 365 days of haiku

Inside from the cold
lone geranium flower
gratitude blooms

​I’ve stumbled into a cool facebook group called Gladdened Gluebooks (II) and I’m super excited about it. It sounds super artsy and super fun. Super overall I guess! The group has 20 members and we each choose a theme and decorate our own book (everyone’s books have the same dimensions) according to our theme, plus a few more pages then we mail it within a deadline to the next person on the list. In turn we receive someone else’s book to add to in their own theme. A kind of round robin of art. I’m a beginner (so not a finisher!) and find beginnings of things exciting. We also make little treats for people in the form of tags or something and everyone signs their pages. In the end you get your own book back. Doesn’t that sound like fun? I’m itching to start. As we know everyone’s theme ahead of time, we can pre-make our pages to simply paste in when we receive their book.

So what is my theme? you ask. I’m glad you asked! Mine is favourite songs/song lyrics. I think I might have posted this picture in my blog before. It’s from one of Effy’s Journal Jams last December and I included some of my favourite lyrics from one of my favourite songs: ‘I’ll Find My Way Home’ by Jon and Vangelis. A couple of favourite songs that spring to mind are: ‘Don’t Forget to Dance’ by the Kinks and ‘Forever Young’ by Rod Stewart. 

In other news, I’m still delightfully working my way through A Year of Mary with Effy Wild and am posting my latest painting—possibly my favourite so far. She is May’s and I just love her! 

And I’m planning another 10 days of Wild Musings with Renee Magnusson. That will start on 7th November, my 1st posting possibly on the 8th. Looking forward to that. It promises to be a little lighter than the last set.

Also adding a couple of recent photos of my #365daysofsybwriting & #365daysofhaiku. Enjoy!

Happy Halloween! Wishing you lots of treats and kindness and a little good natured mischief!

Today (Effy’s birthday! Happy birthday, Effy!) is the last day of Effy’s blogalong and I want to thank everyone for reading and commenting and for those participating, thank you too for your blogs. You have all been faithful and constant companions these past 30 days, some of you from April and beyond even, and it’s so lovely to reconnect.

I have nothing much to add and very little time—our poetry group is meeting by zoom tonight before I go to work. I wrote this haiku yesterday for today in response to a photo I took a couple of days ago. It is appropriate in a couple of ways today. 

I found out this morning that one of our clients at work passed away. I will miss her. We had long routines with her and her and I shared a similar sense of humour. It always felt good to make her laugh. I know that she considered me one of her favourites and hadn’t liked the idea of me taking 2 weeks off. She was already in hospital when I returned to work.

Everywhere I went through town today I noticed orange tee shirts in support of Canada’s first National Truth and Reconciliation Day. And I thought how good that support is in this country and especially in this city where I have noticed profound indigenous discrimination throughout my years here. I felt proud even though it’s disgusting that there is a need for a day like this and even with the knowledge that this is just a start and takes so much more than one day. But I saw a country and a city acknowledging a horrific past and attempting to educate and support and ensure that the past is not forgotten or repeated in any way or form. I saw a country and a city stumbling ahead with earnest, being human. And it melted my heart. 


Day 273

Between petunias
dead maple leaves nestle
fortune tellers


Last day of Effy’s blogalong! (day 30)

Change, although constant and sure, usually gets a bad rap. But some changes are good. This miniature rose that Rob gave me last week has adapted well to its spot by the window in our living room, the roses opening from buds to reveal their gorgeous dusky red petals.

Likewise I’ve been making changes in our home: cleaning and sorting and throwing away, especially in the basement. My goal is for one of our two allotted weekly garbage bags to be from the basement. 

Little x little = lots + lots

That’s my encouragement equation. It hasn’t always worked through the years but when it does and when I adhere to it, it’s powerful. Change begets change. A body in motion is more likely to stay in motion? Is that a fundamental life law? Some things aren’t getting done—the sills still need painting outside, not to mention the house itself and putting up a fence would be good and are we putting up the temporary garage/shelter this year? But others are getting done big time. I took apart the whole dishwasher last night, even parts that we’ve never taken apart before, and gave it a good overhaul clean. Now I can put in the dishes that are creeping onto the counters. Lol. 

Our upright freezer should be fixed on Friday—yay! 

Maybe it’s the result of being on holiday for a couple of weeks even though I got precious little done at that time? 

Maybe it’s fall? I always have more energy in the fall, find it easier to follow through on idle thoughts and good intentions. A dj on the radio today suggested that the cooler days kick us into a higher gear especially for outside jobs. But these jobs are inside. 

Maybe it’s the influence of the sunflowers by the back door? Are they really instilling a sense of pride in me and in our home? 

Whatever it is, and it’s best to not overthink but just to keep going, these changes make me feel like I’m thriving. For the first time in years, one of the basement windows has been opened to let fresh air in everyday for the past few days. I've moved things around by that window to maximise the amount of daylight and  I have a plug-in air freshener down there too. 

Little by little in lots and lots of ways, I’m reclaiming our house and home. 

Day 272

Miniature roses
bloom at home dusky red
thrive with changes

Day 29 of Effy’s blogalong

Something absolutely lovely, sad in a way but lovely, happened today that has somewhat pre-empted my haiku focus. I make prisms for a local cat rescue as a fundraiser but it’s something I’ve been doing on my own for years as gifts for loved ones and occasionally strangers who lose a beloved pet. The rainbows from the prisms represent the poem Rainbow Bridge and hopefully will bring comfort and remind of happy times. Anyway, for several months on instagram, following my love of corgis, I had been following an account of a sweet corgi called Lily who only had one eye. She died suddenly earlier this year and her moms were of course heartbroken. I cried too. I learned that Lily had been a rescue and they had only had her a couple of years. I have a special place in my heart for all rescues, my own pets all having being rescues.

Anyway, I wanted to send a prism to Lily’s moms without letting them know what it was. I also love surprises. I worried about asking them for a mailing address but they obliged. However I’m a terrible procrastinator (and pretty busy!) and it took some time before I got round to making the prism. Finally I did make it (I try to make them intuitively with the particular pet in mind) and I sent them an email to assure them I hadn’t forgotten them and to alert them to a surprise in their mailbox. They live in the States and I live in Canada and the mail is pretty crazy at the moment so I had no idea how long it would take to get there.

This is what happened today: 

Thanks for having a paw in all this, Lily. I had no idea of the significance of the date nor any control over when it was delivered. I like to think the timing brought them some comfort, knowing that Lily was doing her best to console them and let them know she was still with them. Her moms sent me a personal message of thanks, too and I think they did understand. That’s what I believe anyway. 

Following is my haiku today. The calendar is work from my poet friend, Erin, who makes scenes (and portraits) come alive through construction paper. 


Day 271
Her work she’s selling
delivered across town
her hug, the best gift


Day 28 of Effy’s blogalong

Moons and suns with faces and personified trees and flowers have always freaked me out a little. I’m not sure why and thinking about it I thought it may have stemmed from Mam’s terror of the fighting trees in The Wizard of Oz. Her sisters were furious with her when they all got kicked out of the cinema while watching the movie as kids because Mam couldn’t stop screaming. I never saw the film as a child (which probably was good as, even though it’s a great story, the wicked witch and flying monkeys would have given me nightmares for years, I’m sure!). 

Once a Sooty and Sweep show, a British children’s show, gave the moon a smiling face and I had to turn my Sooty and Sweep alarm clock face down for months because it had a moon on it. Bill and Ben The Flowerpot Men haunted me so much (even Little Weed) I could never watch them. I still can’t really! To this day I can’t hear the Dr Who theme music without feeling a knot of anxiety. And we won’t even talk about the daleks or The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe and the HUGE wardrobe in my childhood bedroom that petrified me.

So it has been a revelation in my adult years that I’ve grown to like suns and moons with faces and leaf people. I see them as guardians now. Dad has never had any of these fears and Mam was okay with most things except fighting trees so when I was visiting Linda in Maple Ridge, BC, I found the perfect gift to buy for them: a round oak leaf man. It hung on their dining room wall for years. But when Dad met Sandy after Mam died, he got rid of a lot of his things. I took the oak leaf man. He's only about 4 inches wide. I like that he has energy from the visit with Linda and energy from being in Mam and Dad’s house. He stays tucked away most of the year but has a prominent place on my autumn altar to perfectly embrace and embody fall and its energies.

When Dad and Sandy bought a house in town, I gave them a leaf man door knocker as a present. They hung it by their gate: a guardian for their garden.


Day 270

Gift to my father
taken back from his walls
energy exchange


Day 27 of Effy’s blogalong

Day 269 

Working midnight shifts/
easy to envy fax machine/
deep sleep mode/

Nothing much to add to this. I have envied our fax machine many a midnight shift as I drink my diet cola to stay awake while it apparently has a deep sleep right beside me. The audacity!

I had a stay-cation for 2 weeks recently and my body loved sleeping at night time—the regular schedule even though my actual sleep time varied greatly. It felt delightfully indulgent and reassuring to know that I’d be able to sleep at the end of the day. But I returned to super-quiet shifts that I easily adjusted to and I slept deeply through the day so the transition back was good.

Tonight though, my turnaround day, I have a completely fresh bed waiting and I’m anticipating my own deep sleep mode.

Sweet dreams!


Day 26 of Effy’s blogalong

My cell phone takes great photos of flowers and plants and general landscapes, but sunsets? Not so much. So last night during a magnificent blaze of a sunset, I ended up with the following photo which is a zoom in of the original. It shows nothing much of anything, not the intensity of the orange sky, nor the reflected fire in the remaining tree leaves, not even the contrast of close-up unaffected leaves. But I knew I wanted my haiku today to be a reflection of the sunset so to speak and as I post on instagram, I try to have a somewhat corresponding photo to post. This was it. But as I studied it and thought about the sunset itself, there so briefly and ever-changing in its splendor, the photo reminded me of batik-dyed cloth. Hence the haiku.

I don’t have batik-dyed drapes but I’d sure love some if they looked like this. And as for wanting a different camera on my phone? Maybe not after all.


Day 268

Orange blaze through trees
sunset ignites autumn sky 
batik-dyed drapes close


Day 25 of Effy’s blogalong