Yesterday I had lunch with someone I consider a good friend. But I have distinct boundaries around this friend, too. Perhaps they reflect over sensitivity on my part. Nonetheless the boundaries exist. They usually involve my writing. I keep quiet about it with her. As far as I know, she has no idea about my latest writing achievements and I chose not to share them with her. But she knows I'm a writer--we met at a writing workshop many many years ago.
Yesterday she had brought a book, Tuck Everlasting by Natalie Babbitt, with her and showed me a section from it, saying that she had decided to retire and had always said she would return to writing once she retired. The highlighted passage in the book was at the very end and was Natalie Babbitt's answer to a question about what she deemed important. Babbitt suggested teaching saying that there were lots of books in the world and that maybe we didn't need to be so focused on writing. My friend mentioned teaching, saying that she had decided not to write publicly, concentrating instead on a private autobiography for her family but wanted to make her presence felt by teaching, by giving people a useful skill as she has over and over and over in her life.
I know my friend showed me the passage in reference to herself. But between that (which I took a little personally) and several times when I tried to share parts of my world but felt shut down by her, I felt somewhat diminished when I left her. This often happens with her. Rarely, if ever, with my other friends. Yet I consider her a good friend. She is a good, kind and loving person. I meet her with my boundaries intact yet often return battle weary. Or at least aware of an unbalance that has occurred.
Today I itched to write my blog. An aha moment! I write this blog to show up in the world, to have my say, to not feel diminished or unseen or not validated. It is different to a private diary in that it can be read by others. Whether it is or not doesn't seem to matter, although I feel elated when someone reads it and we connect. I might be able to be drowned out in person but not in writing! Never try to silence a writer! This has become my battlecry. At least for today.
I found the following quote in a small fat library book called Wabi Sabi: The Art of Everyday Life by Diane Durston yesterday. So true, heartwrenching yet beautiful. I plan to create a painting around it.
I want to end positively. A week today Dane and Jonathan will be here for Dad and Sandy's wedding. A week tomorrow is their wedding. This past Wednesday, Dad, Sandy and I went to a Green Thumb tea and plant sale at their church. It was an anniversary for Sandy and I--a year since we first met. And in a silent auction, I won a beautiful plant arrangement I'd fallen in love with. (see photos) I picked it up today and Rob and I hung it up on our front deck. Then we stood together, his arms encircling me, and admired it. I hope it flourishes where we have it, even though I fear it may be too shady, as we can see it from inside the house as we walk towards the front door.
Love and beauty are everywhere. May your heart be touched by both.
Welcome! I'm Sue Blott: a writer of all things, a poet at heart, mom, wife, daughter, step-mom, grandma, tea drinker, tai chi-er, mystic, artist, dreamer...and now a blogger! This is my world.