Gold Dust Tour with Renee Magnusson #golddusttour Day 4 Surrender This prompt really spoke to me. I surrender: to the state of my body to needing surgery to the dizzying speed of it to the seeming loss of control in one way yet the freedom in another...easier to let go of other people's expectations...not true. Easier for me to let go of my expectations of attending to/worrying so much about the needs or feelings of others. On Monday I felt emotionally exhausted. On Tuesday I felt out of sorts until tai chi that evening. I had expected so much of myself this week...windows washed, bedroom (well all rooms) tidied and cleaned even though some hold clutter from many years before, the fallen back yard tree to be all cut up, all garden to be tamed and all flowers planted, car washed, arting up to date, sorting out a new memory card in my phone, trying to figure out Spotify in my car...oh just on and on. I wanted everything to be perfect for before and after surgery. So I could start everything fresh. I did manage to give a friend some bleeding hearts then I found I had an hour spare before tai chi. So much to do! I collapsed in a chair, feet up, and gazed out of my dirty windows at the birds and squirrels flitting through the unruly trees. And I surrendered to it all, threw it all on the ground. And left most of it there. Who cares? With my arms emptier, my heart felt fuller and my mind lighter. I had wondered how cancer might change me, some great revelation. Maybe it wouldn’t. It took an hour of doing nothing but surrendering to show me that that was one of its gifts. All of these pressures I put on myself but don't need to. My life is a continuum. All this stuff will still be there. I have 6 weeks off work. I can tend to it then, pick it up as I go along…or not. Below is my picture and haiku for tomorrow. It will be day 167 of #365daysofsybwriting23 through my instagram account. I'll be posting it when I wake up tomorrow morning (Friday 16th June). I'll be storing my rings in the little box you see there--a gift to my mam from Fran in Tasmania who is now one of my dearest friends even though we've never met. Ain't life strange? rings I always wear
removed for surgery-- vulnerability
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AuthorWelcome! I'm Sue Blott: a writer of all things, a poet at heart, mom, wife, daughter, step-mom, grandma, tea drinker, tai chi-er, mystic, artist, dreamer...and now a blogger! This is my world. Categories |