Of course we all know that on some level, today is a new day, but how often do we actually embrace it? My days often start with tendrils of yesterday's cobwebs still clinging to my mind or my heart or both. I picked up a little medallion a couple of weeks back that appealed to me and spoke to what I was feeling. It said, of course: Today is a new day. I bought it for myself but felt nudged to give it to a friend instead. She seemed quite moved by it. I can always get another.
Sleep used to come deep and easy to me but these days I can no longer count on it. The night before I woke up between 3:30 am and 4am and couldn't go back to sleep. I had to work 7am to 5pm and felt exhausted by the end of my workday. Last night, to compensate, I went to bed earlier although I didn't try to sleep until about midnight. But oh what a delicious sleep.
I caught up with my email before I went to sleep and wrote a short sentimental email to a friend who is emigrating tomorrow...going first to her place in Arizona then to live in England. She has been a believing mirror to me and an unswerving supporter of me and my writing. I will miss her being so close.
And I got a beautiful one-liner from my dear friend, Fran: Thinking of you and all the changes going on in your life xxxx
It brought tears to my eyes. Fran is one of those rare people who just get things. She understands. She was Mam's friend, confidante in many ways, through email for many years. They met through online genealogy and discovered some connection (I'm sorry, Fran, I can't remember precisely!) but basically they just clicked and liked each other. Fran lives in Tasmania and Mam was always thrilled to get snail mail letters and cards and pressies from her and loved searching for things for her in return. Dad now writes to Fran through email almost everyday, so she has become to know him and his habits well. In her email, Fran is referring to Dad's changes re Sandy and going to Florida to winter and selling the house and Dane getting ready to move through his final steps to getting his green card so he can move to the States. All big changes, good changes, which affect me in varying degrees.
Re Dad, I have been reduced from being a major player in his life to a sideline spectator who sometimes finds the right playing field only by accident. That sounds bitter. I don't mean it to. I don't feel bitter but I do feel hurt sometimes and I think it's important to acknowledge the hurt otherwise it will fester into resentment. What he and Sandy share is a deep love and respect for each other and I wouldn't have that any other way. They are both so obviously happy with each other that it's a delight to be in their presence. It did hurt though when I found out their wedding date by overhearing Dad talk on the phone to a friend while I was visiting. An oversight, I'm sure. Me being too sensitive.
But in any case, to have an unexpected one line email pop up full of compassion and understanding quite simply just made me feel better and validated or witnessed my feelings (I hadn't told Fran about this). And I had a deep, restorative sleep full of comforting dreams in which I was actively making a difference. Fran's words were a balm to my soul.
So I woke up refreshed and eager to start a new day. I woke up with ideas about how what I wanted to paint for Moonshine and ideas about a new moon vow (today is a new vine moon in Virgo). I woke up confident that I have the energy and wherewithal to make a difference in my own life.
This is my vow:
From this new moon to the next, I vow to practice 'keep or release' in sorting through stuff (mental, emotional and physical), recognising that each decision is a privileged choice that only I get to make. And so it is.
The picture I envision painting is something along the lines of me clad in silver sifting through golden minerals, keeping some in the sifter, the rest flying upwards to become stars. And silver scales flying off me to fatten the moon. For now, this is what I have to work with:
A blank page...a splotch or two of paint from previous pages perhaps which I can incorporate or paint over. This is what a new day looks like when we truly embrace it. How beautiful, how meaningful can we make it?
Welcome! I'm Sue Blott: a writer of all things, a poet at heart, mom, wife, daughter, step-mom, grandma, tea drinker, tai chi-er, mystic, artist, dreamer...and now a blogger! This is my world.