Kids easily intimidate me. And I seem to scare them. With my grandkids I sometimes see this as a real struggle. They run to their other grandparents, arms flung wide open for hugs and kisses. But they slink back when their parents suggest hugging me too. I try not to take it personally, wonder what I can do. Two things come to mind: allow myself to be open with them, not let the algae film of my past cling to me when I'm with them, and be more involved.
I love all my grandkids dearly. But the truth is other than a couple to one, kids unnerve me and exhaust me. But one on one I'm fine. One on one with no one else around. I can go goga over animals no matter who's around but I tend to feel very wooden and self conscious being so free with children if others are around. I used to babysit. One terrible awful horrible completely yuckky time comes to mind when I was 16 and in college and learning psychology and i was babysitting the kids next door. The kids started to misbehave, really act out, and i felt helpless. Never feel helpless. Never even have a flicker of doubt that you can handle the situation with kids because they sense it and become wild beasts. These two kids ran circles around me, swinging off the drapes, yelling and screaming. I tested psychology: ignore the unwanted behaviour. So I did, as they destroyed the house around me. Eventually I think they exhausted themselves and flopped into bed. It was a night from hell that I had forgotten about until i started to investigate this subject. A year or two before that, in England, I remember my little cousins being forced to kiss and hug me. We all dreaded it. None of us wanted to. They were all snot and drool. I'm pretty sure I wasn't but I sensed their hesitancy and it built up my self doubts. But my aunt Barbra and my Nanna (my paternal grandmother)insisted. Then as my cousin (one in particular, Lynne) was hugging me, my aunt and Nanna said between themselves, "Lynne never has liked her, has she?" "No. I wonder why." In my haste to get it all over and done with, I kissed the tip of Lynne's nose, making it red as Rudolph's from my lipstick. This caused a lot of concern over a cold between Nanna and my aunt. So be it. I said nothing. Since finding out the truth about my birth, I understand now that Barbra and Nanna were often looking for the differences between me and them, often accentuating them. When I was much younger they made me scrub and scrub my teeth to get rid of the yellow, making my very self conscious about them. I later discovered that my teeth were yellowed due to bronchitis medicine I took regularly when very young. Similarly with the Lynne incident. Decades later it all made sense but the damage had been done. Eventually, standing behind bushes at the top of the street, I waited until Barbra's visits were done before I went back to Nanna's for the week (I was living with Nanna and Grandpop for a year before joining Mam and Dad in Canada). At the Westfort Street Fair the other day, my youngest grandchild, Ollie, went running to one of his other grandmas. He fell into her arms while she showered him with kisses. He didn't want to come and hug me even though we had shared a nice hug a few days before. Finally he warily walked towards me sucking his thumb. I embraced him in a tight hug while Carole snapped photos. But Ollie simply stood still, no arms around me. When i released him, he went running back to his dad. "That wasn't a hug, that was a capture!" I laughed. I'll take them how I can get them sometimes. But i would like to be freer with my grandkids. I have less problems now with the oldest ones and i love being in their world and chatting to them. But I still feel a world removed from them all. Obviously something for me to work on, if it's not too late. I have had wonderful relationships and kindred spiritedness with some kids. I know i can do it. Being more involved is huge. Losing self consciousness, too. Towards this effort, I'm working on an art spread. This is the 3rd layer. It's all about radiating love. To have love, be love. May your day be full of love of all sorts.
5 Comments
maggie p
8/21/2018 03:24:32 pm
this reminded me greatly of my poor dad, who loved kids and kids loved him, all except one, his grand daughter, he was heartbroken and nothing he did could change it. from being a newborn she just didn't want to be held by him at all yet all the other young ones in the family fought over his lap.
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Sue Blott
8/27/2018 01:00:51 am
Aww, yes, your poor dad, Souley. Thank you for sharing this...who knows sometimes what triggers certain behaviours. I agree with the high 5s. That is a good idea. Rob went through something similar and particularly with Ethan, our eldest, Rob started to do crazy handshakes with him. It became their bond. Ethan goes out of his way to connect with Grandpa Rob through handshakes now.
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Fran
8/22/2018 03:43:11 am
High 5s a GREAT idea ;-)
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maggie p
8/22/2018 03:32:26 pm
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Sue Blott
8/27/2018 01:04:20 am
Indeed. And thank you so much, Fran for your thoughtful, personal response. I will take it to heart.
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AuthorWelcome! I'm Sue Blott: a writer of all things, a poet at heart, mom, wife, daughter, step-mom, grandma, tea drinker, tai chi-er, mystic, artist, dreamer...and now a blogger! This is my world. Categories |